Last Comic Standing, season 5, episode 12

"Comedy's biggest title is on the line!" announced Bill Bellamy at the start of this week's episode. More like the biggest lie of the year. Is he fucking kidding me? Biggest embarrassment of the 21st century is what this idiotic show is. After doing his own horrific set, he introduced Harland Williams: "comic and international favorite." ugh...where do I even begin with that? "He was in Dumb & Dumber and There's Something About Mary." Yep, and apparently hasn't done a damn thing since then.
Harland Williams' act hasn't changed in years. He's still just as...weird as I remember him. His non-sequiturs just don't make any sense to me. He talked about how you could yawn so long that a hotdog flies in your mouth? Now that's just lazy writing. Or perhaps he just put a bunch of words on pieces of paper and randomly selected words: "yawn," "mouth," "hotdog," and go! And his joke about filling a woman's breasts with beer so he has more interest in her...I'm sure I've heard that before.
The next "special guest" really gives meaning to the term, special. Last season's winner, Josh Blue, stopped by. The only joke I appreciated was when he had this bit about him being unaware of what his right arm was doing, and found out it was Republican. "Now you're Republican, too?" he said to his arm. "You know we need the stem cells!"

Now it was time to find out who made it through to next week. To my surprise, the first one chosen was Gerry Dee. After each winner was announced, they showed a video made of them going back to their old jobs. Gerry Dee, following in the grand tradition of performers, was a waiter. "My waitering days are over," he said. "I better stick to stand up." Um...*cough*...yeah....you do that. His performance was after that and it made me especially mad. He recycled his joke about women taking longer to get ready except disguised under an observation about gathering designated drivers. Women do it ahead of time, men do it at the last minute. Sounds very familiar. I thought it was funny that at the end of his set, the camera panned to this couple: a man in a flannel shirt mouthed the words, "wonderful," to his wife who was next to him in a polo shirt. It reminded me of those people you see in the infomercial audience and overreact at how fast the blender can grind up a tomato.

The second comic announced was Lavell Crawford. If you're curious, he used to be a crossing guard. His performance was as it always is...using the same joke for all it's worth. I get this image of wet rag and someone wringing it for as much water as he can get out of it. Call me crazy but there's only so much I want to hear of his trip to the doctor's for an anal cavity search. He then mentioned he had a dream where he ate a giant rice krispie treat and (say it with me)...his mattress was gone. I'm VERY sure this has been done everywhere else! Ugh, his light came on 8 minutes too late.

The third and final comic to be announced was...Jon Reep? That means that Amy Schumer is out. Before she left, she said, "If a girl takes the stage, give her a chance, she might surprise you." I can't even joke about that...I just agree with her. Right on girl! I guess that article that Shecky Magazine found was wrong.
Jon Reep's old job was at the Good Year Auto Center. Yeah, pointless, I know. The start of his performance wasn't bad. He continued to do what I appreciate about him which was to show the audience his own point of view of the world. He talked about how people in Los Angeles don't think much of him because of his accent and they expect him to say any minute, "Shoes?! What are shoes for?!" That made me giggle.

And that's it for this week! Two more weeks to go! Hang in there guys...it'll be over soon...that is, until Summer 2008. Sigh, oh boy...so much therapy...

[Original post date: September 5th, 2007]