Thursday, August 30, 2007

Last Comic Standing, season 5, episode 4

Welcome back. If you saw the Last Comic Standing, episode 4 last night, I salute you. You're a real trooper. This time, they went to their last city: Tempe, Arizona.I think I can assume that your overall reaction is one of: "What the fuck?!"
This episode began with an attempt of comedy...imagine that. Bill Bellamy was talking to the camera in the desert. He then begins to say that
Last Comic Standing spared no expense on this trip and only had the best for him. Simultaneously, the camera panned to a broken down car with smoke arising from it. Bravo.

Ryan Hamilton: This is the moron you kept seeing from the commercials who said he was the child of Jerry and Elaine from Seinfeld. Well, I don't like Seinfeld and I DON'T like this guy. I did find it quite ironic that Ant said he was funny looking....that's right...ANT said HE was funny looking. This moron did a horrible impression of Chris Rock, had an extremely annoying delivery/voice, and of course, because of this, he made it through.

Suli McCoullogh: For some reason, this guy reminded me of a salamander. He had big eyes, was very skinny...and just sort of looked slimy. He did one joke about how he can't get a tattoo due to lack of surface area (he's skinny, get it?). He made it through.

Ken & Brady: Another attempt at alternative comedy, in the vain of Slovin and Allen. At first, only one guy was shown: Ken, who then introduced his partner, Brady. Brady was Bobby Lee if he gained weight and had a stroke; this moron had huge glasses and a pink and purple headset on his head attached to this girls toy tape recorder. He said that his last girlfriend was cross eyed and he had to break it off with her because she saw someone on the side. You know, sometimes the judges surprise me and make good NOT letting these hacks go through.

Now because of Ken & Brady, that sparked the montage of the night...oddly enough though, it wasn't announced like normal. They just showed many many clips of weird comedians.

Andrew Ovredaul: This skinny guy with big black hoop earrings told a joke about people hitting each other with their cars. He wasn't that memorable, but he made it through.

Robin Reiser: This woman is definitely very new to the scene. She had one joke about sleeping; dreaming a nice dream about unicorns and then being woken up to horrible world news on her alarm clock: something about women in Somalia being beaten. After hearing all this, being woken up, she thinks "Damn! I have to move my car!" She was trying to convey her apathy toward the tortured women. It was way too long of a setup and nowhere near worth it in the end. She made it through.

Chris Bennett: This guy was actually enhancing my suicide desires. He began (and ended really) by saying how he does word associations when calling out Bingo numbers at an old people's retirement homes "B4...remember what it was like BEFORE you're children abandoned you?....B9...your tumor was BENIGN..." Yeah, and so was his act. He didn't make it through.

Lavell Crawford: I hated him from the moment I saw him. For one, he looks like a disfigured hourglass...all his fat seems to fall up inside of down to his stomach. His vocal chords sound like he put them through a paper shredder, and he looks like the father from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I couldn't understand a WORD he said...all I gathered was that if he died and was in Heaven with the other angels, he couldn't fly because he'd be too fat. Oh, these Arizonians are so quick. Maybe Ant was afraid this guy would eat him because they put him through.

Rusta Rhymes: Now they didn't show this guy audition, but they showed him on the street. And just as his name suggests...he rapped. He was white, he rapped, and he's in a "comedy competition???" His one lyric I remember is that he's "hardcore like Josh Blue." If only this parasite really did have cerebral palsy...

Greg Warren: Now this guy surprised me. His jokes weren't LOL-tastic, but his persona, voice, tempo, everything definitely showed he's been doing this a while. His voice was extremely clear; that's what stood out to me: this somewhat depressed, slightly self-deprecating personality, slow but always with energy. He told a joke about buying cookies at two in the morning and getting comments from the checkout lady. He made it through.

Hippieman: This rejected superhero said how two Muslim women would look like beekeepers wrestling. Thankfully he didn't continue.

AJ Fowler, Kevin Davidson, Matt Peterson: All three comics were shown performing bad puns. I guess they were inspired by Hippieman.

Chuck Roy: This Zack Galifinakis look-alike said how in New Hampshire, their motto was "Live Free or Die" and he chose to move. He then said that at a hair dresser's salon, he told them he wanted to look like a singer from Alabama going to the Grammys in 1982. I wasn't that impressed...he moved on.

John Caparulo: Someone tell Larry the Cable Guy that he has a new opening act. I'm surprised this guy didn't spout a "git er done" or a "I'll tell you what" throughout his audition. All I remember about this dumb hick wannabe is that he liked big dogs and didn't understand people who owned little dogs. This Ivy League graduate continued on.

Time for the showcase at the Tempe, Arizona Improv:
Andrew Ovredaul
Kivi Rogers
Greg Warren (ok, at the showcase, he fucking sucked and annoyed me)
Ryan Hamilton (here's where he did the Seinfeld joke)
Chris Voth
Suli McCoullough (who did a joke that he's been doing for more than 6 years)
Lavell Crawford (during his act, he says he's a sweet potato....I don't know...)
Cristela Alonzo
Robin Reiser
Rocky LaPorte (a cross between Dom Irrera and Andrew Dice Clay...not good)
Dave Landau
Jay Larson (a chubby Dane Cook wannabe)
John Caparulo
Chuck Roy
Brandon Vestal

I guess when you have an hour to fill, and only one city to explore, only then do you show the entire showcase. Afterwards, they announced the 32 semi-finalists, and they're showing their performances next week:

From New York: Dwayne Kennedy, Lori Chase, Jane Condon, Arj Barker, Joe Devito, Amy Schumer
From Canada: Gerry Dee, Deborah DiGiovanni, Mel Silverback
From Texas: Ralph Harris, Andi Smith, Sabrina Matthews
From California: Dwayne Perkins, Thea Vidale, Jon Reep, Dante, Sean Rouse, Sarah Colonna
From Austrailia: Gina Yashere, Adam Vincent, Fiona O'Loughlin, Lawrence Mooney
From England: Spencer Brown, Matt Kiersan
From Minnesota: Tommy Johnagin, Doug Benson, Tracey Ashley
From Arizona: Greg Warren, Ryan Hamilton, Lavell Crawford, John Caparulo, Chuck Roy

Notice anyone missing? Try looking at the list from England...I seem to remember a woman in that list: Ava Vidal wasn't announced as one of the 32 semi-finalists and a result, they picked five from Arizona instead of four. I would like to know what happened to her. I mean, she was horrendous...but I think there's controversy afoot.

[Original post date: July 12th, 2007]

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